I'd like to refer to my life right now as controlled chaos. Just having the word controlled in front of chaos makes me feel so much better about things. Ha. I say controlled, because I feel like I do a pretty good job of sticking to my routines for the boys. It would be safe to say that I kind of run a tight ship around here, but I don't think there is anything wrong with that. In fact, I think it is good for children to have routine and order. Do I wish I was more "fly by the seat of my pants?" Absolutely. But I embrace myself for who I am.
I was extremely concerned this summer about how I would be able to get out of the door by 8:45 every morning with 3 kids. When all of last year I was only having to leave the house by that time twice a week and with only two kids! Well it turns out my friends, that forcing me to be out of the house this early with three youngin's was the best decision I ever made. The kids never sleep in later than 7 AM. So we have plenty of time for breakfast, bottles, showering, and getting two kids dressed (Jack gets dressed every morning before he leaves his room) by 8:45. And just getting out and driving and again feeling in control even if my 3 month old screams the entire way to preschool and back feels amazing. I know I would have regretted only doing three days a week because the chances of me leaving this house with three kids on non preschool days would be slim to none.
Tom and I were talking the other night how three kids is a lot of work, but it doesn't feel like such a drastic blow as from going from one to two. Then we started laughing because we were talking about what our friends with no kids must think when they come over to our house. Pardon my language, but 80% of the time over here, it's a complete shit show. I'm not saying that as totally negative, it's just there is ALWAYS something crazy going on. Someone is probably crying, kids are probably fighting, snacks are flying all over the place, sippy cups are dripping, the dog is barking, toys are EVERYWHERE, diapers are stashed in every corner of every room, and the tv is most likely on - playing mickey mouse, lion king, or cinderella right now. And do you want to hear the hilarious part? I'm usually cleaning some other room, which is freaking hilarious because sometimes I wonder what the point of cleaning a house with kids is? I guess I just do it for my sanity. To feel like I actually accomplished something for the day. So, we hesitate in asking our friends without kids to come over to our house because we are afraid of what they might think. Or how they must say to themselves when leaving...omg if our kids are ever like that, we are screwed. Or better yet...let's not have kids. ha. But then we come to our senses and know our friends without kids don't judge us. And just like we wish we could go back to our no kids days every once in a while (or every week, what?) a little part of them probably thinks the same thing about someday having children.
I know it's not going to be like this forever. Even by next year so much will change, having Jack in full day kindergarten and having Finn gone at Pre-School twice a week. And I know that things are going to get hard when the boys get older and there will be serious life issues that we will have to face and emotional issues, etc, but honestly I have a hard time believing it's going to be harder than this. I'll get back to you when I have three teenage boys - but come on, think about it. I'm not sleeping through the night. I have two kids in diapers. I have an almost 5 year old who still occasionally wets the bed at night. That same kid who wets the bed will not leave me alone or play by himself all.day.long. I have to wipe noses and butts all. day. long. I have to put someone in time out at least three times a day. I have to make three meals and cut up food all day long. The second I sit down to eat breakfast, lunch or dinner myself, one of the kids needs something, more milk, a napkin, a different fork, etc etc. I listen to crying about 80% of my day. And I barely have time to think clearly. I have to lock myself in the bathroom some days just so I can text some of my friends to feel like I have had interaction with another adult. It just can't get harder. It just CAN'T!!!!!!!!! And for anyone who thinks staying at home is a luxury...I will laugh in your face. Loud. This is not a luxury. I choose to do this every flipping day of my life, because believe it or not I do actually love it and I love my kids and I can't imagine anyone else doing all of these crazy things for them.
It felt good to write a little more than just updates on Leo today! Thanks for letting me vent dear old blog.
