Mornings are the hardest

Today has been a good day I suppose. Each day I am more and more amazed at how much of an impact my brother is to so many people - it makes me instantly start crying. All of his friends are so supportive and amazing, and I truly believe that your friends and the way they respond to such traumatic experiences speaks highly of the people they are - which also speaks highly of the person you are, and that just makes me so happy. I knew my brother was a good guy, but wow - he is a great guy.

I've reached out to a few people who have gone through similar experiences and it's really been of great help for me. Just seeing that there is life after this for Bren if he wants it is such great news. This one man had a similar diving experience when he was 22, it's now been 10 years, and he got his masters in engineering, lived on his own, drives a van, got married, had a baby girl a few months ago, got his MBA, went skydiving, downhill skiing - it's just amazing. This has truly given me a different view on life and I'm praying for the day when Brendan accepts this as his new normal and is content. I know it's going to be a process in getting there. I just know that once he pulls through this, he is going to be a world wide inspiration.

I find that morning times are the hardest for me. I've been sleeping fine, but when I get up with Jack and come downstairs for breakfast and turn on the computer and see that our website is at over 10,000 hits and it's been 4 days - I start sobbing. And I ask the question "why us". But then I calm down and give my mom a call for an update.

I'm trying so hard to take care of this baby growing inside of me, but it's really hard. I know this might sound super harsh, but a part of me doesn't even care about that right now (please don't neglect me child if you ever stumble across this journal entry in 10 years). But it's really one of the last things on my mind. However, when I lay down for bed at night and take a sip of water - I feel it move and I do get a smile on my face. My mom calls it the miracle baby because it's going to come at just the right time in all of our lives. Ok enough for today. I have no food at my house - so i will be grocery shopping with Jack after his nap. My kitchen floors haven't been scrubbed in about a week and it's so gross. But I need to buy some floor cleaner, so that's my excuse. ha.