It's Happening

On Tuesday night I got an email from our school district saying that Jack had been entered into the lottery drawing for his kindergarten selection. I got extremely nervous because I wasn't planning on it being overbooked and them needing to conduct a lottery. I kept thinking, we need this. We need all day. Jack needs all day. I need all day. But deep down I knew whatever ended up happening would be for the best. Fast forward to this afternoon and I got an email that said, Congratulations, we are pleased to share that your students name has been selected in the lottery! I was ecstatic! I rushed downstairs to tell Jack the good news. He was so excited. He was asking if it was Saturdays and Sundays too. I had to break the bad news to him, that no it's just Monday - Friday still.

But then tonight after we read his Boxcar Children chapter book and said his prayers, he asked about riding the school bus and if our neighbors would ride with him. He got all giddy in bed and asked when his new school was starting, along with a bunch of other questions. As I laid down with Finn on the bottom bunk below Jack, I got a huge lump in my throat that I was not expecting. How is it possible that my first baby will be attending school in six months? How am I going to be able to watch him step up into the bus and let him go? How am I not going to cry like a baby watching that bus drive away with the most precious cargo in the world? It's like you want them to grow up and start school and get out of the house for a few hours, and then you realize that the exact thing is about to happen and all of the sudden you want to take it back. For five years I have been his stay at home mom and in a few months everything is going to change. It's not that I don't think he's ready, because he is. And I know I am ready to let him go too, I am just starting to realize that this next stage is a pretty big one. My son is entering school. And I am so nervous about that. But I can also say that I have zero regrets about the sacrifices and the choices that I have made thus far. I don't get a paycheck every week, but every night I get to listen to my son read me a book and my heart is full because I know that I taught him that. For five years I have basically given up my entire life (that is a little dramatic) to raise Jack, everything that I have done these past five years has hopefully been enough to prepare him for his time now as a student. Has it been worth it? Absofreakinglutely.

My First Chicken

I've never roasted beef before. I've never roasted a turkey before. And I had never roasted a chicken until last Thursday. Something about buying an entire uncooked chicken or turkey is kind of intimidating. But I knew my girlfriend had done it plenty of times, and I knew with her help I might be up for the challenge. So I texted her before I went to the grocery store and she said she text me through it. She gave me so many tips that she had learned from botching up about 3-5 on her own. Lucky me!! I was quite nervous, but figured whats the worst thing that could happen? Worst case we'd just order some take out.

Here's the thing...I'm not a bad cook. Actually I don't think I give myself enough credit. I can follow instructions to a T and for the most part, most of my dinners turn out. Here's what I lack...creativity. I don't know what ingredients are good with what, so I can never just whip anything up. I don't have much of an imagination when it comes to dressing up food and going out on a limb. But give me a good recipe with good reviews, and nine times out of ten mine will at least be edible! Another thing that I don't give myself enough credit for is even attempting good, family dinners. We have a sit-down dinner at least 5 nights a week. I don't make "kids meals" the kids eat what we eat. If they don't, then that's that. My only exception is if the kids say the really, truly don't like something and I see them take a bite and they are literally gagging themselves then I will find some sort of substitute. Like buttered bread or something not fun. The worst days are when I slave and slave over a meal and Tom and myself are the only ones who eat it and all three kids are crying throughout the entire meal. Those are the dinners where Tom and I look at each other like WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE DOING!?!?!

Back to the chicken....

I was most nervous about the cavity search. What was I going to find? A bag fully of the goodies? A bunch of disgusting guts that I needed to pull out? Clean as a whistle? I just didn't know. When I brought the chicken over to the sink to open pandora's box, I got nervous. Like spreading it's legs felt just wrong. AHH. But I opened her up and she was clean. Ahhh, I breathed a sigh of relief. I rinsed her off inside and out and then quartered up a lemon and squeezed the juice all over the chicken. Salt and peppered her up generously. Then popped her in the oven at 400 degrees.

TA DA! I ended up cooking it for about 1 hour 45 min. I had to cover it with tinfoil just a little bit so it didn't burn, but oh she was so juicy and done to absolute perfection. I couldn't have done it without my cooking mentor. Next up on the list....not sure. Suggestions? Maybe I should buy a cookbook and cook all of the recipes like that movie Julie and Julia. If only I had the patience, I might think about doing a challenge like that. I'd definitely ruin and waste a lot of food, no doubt.

This Article Spoke To Me

I don't know who Dr. Kahn is, but if I did - I would hug him. I needed to read this article today. This is one of the best bits about parenting I have ever ever read.

Phoenix School Counseling, LLC

Dr. Steve Kahn, Ph.D, L.P. 

2697 East County Road E    White Bear Lake, MN 55110                 

stevekahn@comcast.net 651-426-4297 www.drstevekahn.com

Feeling Less Burdened

There are moments when parents let their guard down, either in counseling or in the middle of a parenting talk and say something like: “I’d like to able to parent in a calm and patient way but I’m just not wired like that.”

What does that mean, “not wired like that”? Do certain parents think their inability to stay calm, forgive instantly, and discipline with reassurance instead of anger has something to do with their genetic makeup? And if it doesn’t have to do with their wiring, what does it have to do with?

More likely, it has to do with the burden parents feel to get everything right. Everything! Children should never fall behind in school, never be disrespectful, always get along with their siblings, and never have friendship problems. And the list goes on and on without end. I believe that more than any other single factor, it is this self-imposed, unrealistic burden that makes it hard to parent in a calm and patient manner. 

The first step towards parenting the way we promise ourselves we will when our children are not around, is to learn how to feel less burdened by the responsibilities of parenting.  Start by rethinking what constitutes the burden. Do you have unrealistic expectations about how your children are supposed to act at their ages? Do you believe they should “change on a dime,” never repeating their mistakes, rather than accepting that children (and adults!) change slowly. 

Parenting is definitely an enormous responsibility. But that only makes it more urgent that we learn how to feel less burdened by its enormity. How our children turn out has more to do with how we respond to them than what we are responding to. How do we sound when we give a consequence? Are we constantly nagging and reminding? Do we get more and more impatient when they make the same mistake over and over again? 

But there is a way to feel less burdened. In fact, an important part of working with parents is teaching them how to identify the components of the perceived burden that actually comes from stress they carry needlessly. For example, if parents of 4^th-graders panic when assignments are done poorly, or when 7^th-graders roll their eyes in a disrespectful way, they are creating needless stress by panicking. If parents remember that 4^th-graders are allowed to struggle for a while as they learn the skills required to become a successful student, and that 7^th-graders almost always go through a time of inflated grandiosity, they will feel less of a burden and be able to handle the challenging moments calmly. 

Fourth-graders can lose the privilege of being driven places until they are all caught up and 7^th-graders can lose their right to practice with their team until they find their lost manners. The point is our children need us to be unburdened by needless stress. Let us only feel burdened by the standards for our own behavior. It is unnecessary for us to need our children to be better than they can be. May we learn how to think about parenting in a way that allows us to be calm, patient and forgiving at all times, especially when our children are making mistakes. That is the only way we will be able to see the moment clearly, find the teachable moment, and help them learn what they can from their mistake. 

Let’s hoard our psychological resources. Our children need us to not get worn out, not be at wit’s end, and not act as if we feel the world is ending. Try to remember that all that is happening is that our children are acting like children. They are works in progress, learning the best way they can, by making mistakes. It does not mean that there is anything wrong with our parenting when our children make mistakes. As long as we handle ourselves with calmness and inner strength, they will gradually learn from the privileges lost, consequences given, and from our forgiving tone, gentle presence, and from our successful protection of the connection.

 

Dr. Steve Kahn is the author of Insightful Parenting: Making Moments Count. Please check www.drstevekahn.com for additional (free) articles about parenting or to learn more about the book, available both in paperback and as an audio book. Please feel free to share this article with others. 

Rants

• Finn has been potty trained since October. In the past week, he has started waiting until the last possible second to go to the bathroom. This has resulted in multiple accidents. Yesterday morning I could tell he had to go so I quickly whipped off his pants and rushed him upstairs. He proceeded to pee on the carpet in the hallway outside of the bathroom. AHHHH. I totally flipped out. Like flip flip flipped out. After I cooled down, I made him clean it up with me. I know flipping out isn't the right thing to do, but what is? I mean this is not acceptable. Why is this happening? WHAT IS GOING ON? 
• On top of cleaning up carpet pee stains from my 3 year old. My 5 year old has started wetting the bed again. We seem to go in spurts around here. Jack is a super deep sleeper, and I know this has something to do with it. Finn is the worst sleeper in the world and has never wet the bed at night. I understand that it is acceptable for a lot of kids to still be wearing pull-ups at nighttime, but OMG. Now Jack is to the point where he refuses to wear a pull-up and still proceeds to wet the bed. We put our foot down last night and insisted that he wear a pull-up. If he keeps his pull-up dry for 3 nights, he can go to bed without one. Well this morning he comes into our room naked, and says mom I wore my pull-up but the bed still got wet. WHAT IS GOING ON? OMG. He even got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. 
• Finn is still waking up multiple times a night crying and screaming. I don't mean to sound horrible, but I swear he is possessed from the hours of 11 PM to 6 AM. What gives?

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

I've been horrible with my yearly books for the boys, and then I remembered I never made a birthday video for either of them this past December too. So I whipped one up. I let Jack pick the two songs. I just combined them into one video, since their birthdays are only a week a part, it's kind of nice.

Polar Plunge 2013

I got dragged into doing the 2013 Minneapolis Polar Plunge last weekend. This also included running a 5 K. So we left our house at 7:30 AM and headed to Lake Calhoun. The race started at 9 AM and we were all SOOO COLD. I did this with my mom and my aunts. I was pretty nervous about the 5 K considering I hadn't ran in over two months and every time I did run back then it would only be like 2 miles. Anyways, I ran and ran and ran just to keep warm. I finished strong, barely out of breath at 31 minutes which is pretty good for me! Then came the dreaded jump. I was SO nervous for this jump. Never in my life have I ever said, "I'd love to do a polar plunge at some point" no no no. But the money was for a good cause (special olympics) and I figured the pain of the coldness would only last a split second. That part was right, once we jumped and ran into the hot tubs, the pain was gone. But that jump, oh man it was cold!

Before the run

Am I glad I did this? Absolutely. Will I do another plunge? H to the E to the double L no.

Leo - 8 Months

March 2, 2013

Eight months!?!?! What??? It feels like just yesterday I was having the most relaxing birthing experience imaginable. :-) This months photo shoot was poorly done. Leo was not having anything to do with wearing a sticker. I couldn't find his blanket (in my car) and do you really think he's going to lie down on his back while I take a picture of him? Yeah right, mom! Don't mind the sweats in the picture either. He was wearing super cute jeans, but I wanted him to be comfy for his nap. Like I said, half assed. Sorry Leo.

 At eight months, Leo is most definitely on the move. We have a game we play called "gate." it's when Leo inches his way off of our rug, I yell out GATE! and one of the boys runs to the stairs and lays down and acts as a gate so Leo won't fall down the stairs. HAHA. Do you think we'll be able to get away without putting up a baby gate? We shall see.

He army crawls a lot, but every day he is crawling on his knees more and more. I have even caught him pulling himself up on the stairs. Little stink bomb.

Leo can now officially sit in carts. This is huge for me because I am so short that when I have the bucket seat in the cart, I can hardly see over it.

To say that Leo's brothers love playing with him is an understatement. They think everything Leo does is amazing and hysterical. When Leo inches his way into the kitchen bee-lining it for Bailey's water and food bowls, Finn starts screaming like someone is attacking him. It's outrageous. And then the other day, I came downstairs to witness this:

Standing up is fun, mommmy!

Biggest Butt Crack ever, don't even get me started on the leg rolls. LOVE

High Plank

I have no idea how much Leo weighs right now, and I suppose it doesn't really matter. He's wearing sizes 12-18 months, some baby gap stuff fits that is 6-12 months still. He wears size 4 diapers. Which is hilarious because just 6 months ago his big brother (Finn) was wearing this size.

He eats anything we give him. This month I probably introduced the most to him: turkey, shredded cheese, tacos, pizza, macaroni and cheese, buttered noodles, pancakes, raspberries, strawberries, green beans, etc. I think it's safe to say I can be done buying baby food. However, if we are going out - I will usually pack some baby food just because it's easier. I love that he just feeds himself though, then at least I can eat lunch while the kids eat lunch too! Hooray for me. He drinks 4 bottles a day, vary in the amounts still. Eats breakfast, lunch and dinner. Breakfast is typically around 7 AM. Lunch around noon. Dinner around 5:30. Last bottle starts at about 6:15-6:30.

The majority of the nights, Leo sleeps 12 hours straight through the night, which is awesome. Some days he is up around 6 AM, other mornings it's 7-7:30 AM. He takes two naps during the day, the times and length depend greatly on if he falls asleep in the car on the way to preschool drop off and pick up.

Leo is such a people person. If I could hold him all day long, I don't think he'd make one fuss. And at preschool pick up, when he sees his brothers walking down the hall, his entire face lights up and he squeals at the top of his lungs. And during church, unless Leo is crazy tired, he will just stare and smile at the people behind us the entire time. Everyone comments on what a happy baby he is, and it's so true. SO true. I got a happy baby! I did, I did! He babbles constantly throughout the day now. Dadadada, babababa, raspberry noises, smacking of lips, etc etc. I could just eat him up, he's so cute. He's still just a big fat butter ball of love.

Leo, you are growing up too fast. Pretty soon you will be running around getting into everything you can. You have been and continue to be the best addition we could have added to this family. Happy 8 Months little big man.