It's Happening

On Tuesday night I got an email from our school district saying that Jack had been entered into the lottery drawing for his kindergarten selection. I got extremely nervous because I wasn't planning on it being overbooked and them needing to conduct a lottery. I kept thinking, we need this. We need all day. Jack needs all day. I need all day. But deep down I knew whatever ended up happening would be for the best. Fast forward to this afternoon and I got an email that said, Congratulations, we are pleased to share that your students name has been selected in the lottery! I was ecstatic! I rushed downstairs to tell Jack the good news. He was so excited. He was asking if it was Saturdays and Sundays too. I had to break the bad news to him, that no it's just Monday - Friday still.

But then tonight after we read his Boxcar Children chapter book and said his prayers, he asked about riding the school bus and if our neighbors would ride with him. He got all giddy in bed and asked when his new school was starting, along with a bunch of other questions. As I laid down with Finn on the bottom bunk below Jack, I got a huge lump in my throat that I was not expecting. How is it possible that my first baby will be attending school in six months? How am I going to be able to watch him step up into the bus and let him go? How am I not going to cry like a baby watching that bus drive away with the most precious cargo in the world? It's like you want them to grow up and start school and get out of the house for a few hours, and then you realize that the exact thing is about to happen and all of the sudden you want to take it back. For five years I have been his stay at home mom and in a few months everything is going to change. It's not that I don't think he's ready, because he is. And I know I am ready to let him go too, I am just starting to realize that this next stage is a pretty big one. My son is entering school. And I am so nervous about that. But I can also say that I have zero regrets about the sacrifices and the choices that I have made thus far. I don't get a paycheck every week, but every night I get to listen to my son read me a book and my heart is full because I know that I taught him that. For five years I have basically given up my entire life (that is a little dramatic) to raise Jack, everything that I have done these past five years has hopefully been enough to prepare him for his time now as a student. Has it been worth it? Absofreakinglutely.