I forget...

I forget how fast the time goes. Leo is cutting his last two eye teeth (then only 2 year old molars left!!) and has been waking in the middle of the night. The other night I could not get him to fall back asleep. Usually it's just a pop of the nuk and he's back snoozing. Or maybe a squirt of ibuprofen. But not this night. So I scooped him up and rocked him. As I was rocking him I started crying. I remember when Jack was this little and how I was so sad how fast he was growing. How he would soon be an older brother. I wanted time to stop. And now Jack is almost six years old. I said a little prayer thanking God for letting me have this time with Leo to just soak him up. It's so hard during the days to embrace him and be truly thankful for him, because let's face it - he's climbing on the table. Constantly whining. Holding onto my legs. In the hustle and bustle I forget at how precious he is. But when he is holding me, breathing heavy, and just loving on me I am reminded of how truly blessed I am.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to be an at home mom. I feel like I have so much more potential than just cleaning the house and yelling at my children. I could be someone's boss. I could actually get raises, or paid for my time. What? But then I look at Jack. And Finn. And Leo. And realize that 5 years of being with them for 24/7 is nothing in the great span of time. This is such a short season of my kids lives and it's hard to remember that, being that I am in the middle of it right now.

I bought myself a piece of wall art the other day that says "Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids" not because I want to feel good about having a messy house. I'd like to think I keep my house kept up fairly well actually. In fact I think I spend TOO much time organizing and cleaning. And so this wall art is to remind me (in the kitchen, where I spend 95% of my time) to slow down. The cleaning can wait. The kids will not be kids forever and they won't always be asking me a million times to watch them. So sometimes the cleaning cannot wait, but sometimes it can.

I forget that in a blink of an eye I forgot what it felt like to have my babies inside of me. Or how their heads felt all curled up under my chin. Or how they'd sleep on my belly in the middle of the night.

And I'm also trying to remind myself that someday I will forget that Leo climbed on all of the furniture. Whined all day long. And never sat still. Hello 17 months. This too shall pass and this is the last of my babies. I will never be going through this stage ever again. But oh how easily we do forget.