Besides the fact of having a "not so small" family and having my boys have TWO brothers to grow up with, I'm most excited about the newborn stage with baby #3. I'm definitely not excited about the lack of sleep, having to maintain my daily routine with the two older boys, get Jack off to preschool, etc etc. But I'm excited to hold my new baby and have him mush right into my body. I'm excited for his head to lay on my shoulder staring at my face while falling asleep. Then looking over at him and watching him do a laugh/smile while he is dreaming. I'm going to soak up the newborn stage as much as I can and I'm going to do it with happiness.
I feel like I robbed Finn of his newborn days. When Finn was born, my brother had just gotten home from Craig Hospital the month before. My family was still adjusting to their new normal. My head wasn't in the right spot and I couldn't really think clearly. It had only been five months since my brother's tragic accident, I was definitely not in my best place. And on top of everything, I'm pretty sure I was suffering Postpartum Depression. The first four months of Finn's life were brutal for me, and for my husband. Tom did so much more for Finn than he ever had to do for Jack in the middle of the night because I was losing my mind - seriously. I'm not sure if other people could tell how difficult of a time I was having, I'd like to think I did a good job of hiding my inner struggles, but it doesn't really matter anyway. I don't want things to be like this with baby #3. I want to enjoy it, I want to cherish it, and I want to look back on his first few months with no regrets. This is going to be my last baby and I have this feeling that the time is going to fly by.
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